We've been very busy with the campaign the past couple of weeks, and I think the fruits of our efforts are pretty obvious to everyone by now.
First, we exposed Rep. Weiner's bad behavior. We were forced to use Weiner in order to reveal the existence of the Secret Congressional Gym & Photography Parlor to the American citizens (you) who pay for it. Congressmen who want to use the gym must pay a whopping fee of $20 a month. Yes, you read that correctly -- $20 a month. I personally have to pay $20 in order to avoid a gym membership! How do those jokers get dirt cheap memberships?
Next, all of Newt Gingrich's senior campaign staff resigned. The public explanation was a difference of philosophy, but I think you can guess the truth. Once Gingrich's staff found out I had announced my candidacy, they knew their cause was lost. Gingrich tried to persuade them to stay, going so far as to promise to take them on his next cruise, but they refused to stay.
The third great event of my campaign was President Obama's trip to Puerto Rico. Yes, my fine American citizens, we have been hard at work helping the people of Puerto Rico prepare to join the United States as its 51st state. Look for an official announcement soon -- those electoral votes will be vital to my election.
Let's talk for a moment about the national debt. There's a lot of discussion on The Hill about raising the debt limit -- should we? shouldn't we? As you know, I am a fiscal conservative when it comes to my personal money, and a flaming liberal when it comes to yours. I say, "The sky's the limit!" to raising the debt limit. How else will the world accept our American Express Gold Card for those last-minute purchases? Just imagine how embarrassing it would be for us to be purchase, say, 27 million miniature reproductions of the Washington Monument made in China and to have our card declined because we're over our limit? We're the United States, darn it, we have no limits!
You may feel confident that David Wayne and I are spending your contributions wisely to pave the way to the White House, so continue to give generously!
Remember that I'm always available to answer your questions; just click here.